Black Men: Prove to Our Queens, 'Chivalry Ain’t Dead'

There’s a huge myth out there that chivalry is dead, especially amongst the millennial generation. In the ‘hookup’ era, I can understand why many women feel as if acts of chivalry are non-existent in today’s society. Personally, I have always strived to display chivalric behavior; especially towards my wife and other women within my family. My Black brothers, it is time for us to all get on the same page, prove to our queens that Chivalry Ain’t Dead, and change the narrative on how we are viewed as men. Here are 5 things that we ALL can start doing immediately, to show our beautiful women that positive, chivalric behavior still exists!

1. Plan a Date

Picnic @ the Tidal Basin Washington, D.C.

Fellas, I’m being serious… the easiest way not to get a call/or text back from women is the good ole ‘we should hang out’ statement with no follow through. Women love a man who takes the time to LISTEN to her interests and plan a date accordingly. Although a nice dinner and a movie is sometimes needed, we as men need to be far more creative! If she’s an animal lover, plan a day at the zoo or aquarium. Karaoke nights are also great dates for the ladies who are more extroverted and outgoing. Whatever she has an interest in, be sure to use that information to plan a nice, romantic date. The key is to show you’re proactive and capable of taking the lead!

2. ‘Just Because’ Flowers Can Change Her Mood

Back in 2013, my wife accepted an extremely stressful position at a juvenile detention center. Within the first couple of weeks, I could literally see the stress written all over her face every single time she came home from work. For me, there was only so much I could say or do to cheer her up daily so, I took the initiative to start every work week with a bouquet of roses. No matter the circumstance, after her first day of work each week, she could expect a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Fellas, it is all about effort. Of course, I knew the flowers wouldn’t completely remove the pressure of her new position, but I just wanted her to see that I cared and was there when she needed me. Not to be too predictable, I have switched up my approach a bit and occasionally take a detour home to stop at the florist. Each time, she appreciates the effort!

3. Getting to Know Her Parents & Earn Their Trust

Possibly the most important chivalric act on this entire list. Of course, this one only comes after you have been dating for a while but, this is a MUST! Brothers, if her parents aren’t feeling you, it is a tough road ahead. Invite her parents out to dinner every so often, just to have a conversation. Even if your girlfriend isn’t around. This is your chance to earn their trust and give them a live snapshot of who you are and what your plans are for their daughter. My wife comes from a tight-knit family, and she is extremely close to her mother and grandmother. When she was just my girlfriend, I can reflect on times when her family would have weekly gatherings that I would show up to alone; knowing my lady wouldn’t be able to attend because of work. It wasn’t for the brownie points or a pat on the back, I wanted her family to know me and I wanted to earn their trust in our relationship going forward. Fast-forward to today, my now Mother-in-Law and I are tight. I can call/text her if I need anything and we often talk just to catch up. This is important and although it may not seem as a traditional ‘act of chivalry’, most men skip out on this process and it ends up becoming an issue in the long run.

4. Open Those Doors

This is definitely a lost art in 2017, and I am unsure why. I don’t care if we are going to the grocery store or running a few errands; I ALWAYS make sure to open the car door for my wife. It doesn’t matter if it’s zero degrees outside, it is an expectation within our relationship. If my wife makes it to the door before I do, she will patiently wait for me to come open the door for her. It’s a gesture of respect, appreciation and maturity. Fellas, get in the habit of doing this and showing your woman affection; as this is the ultimate act of chivalry. From car doors to restaurants, she would never touch that handle.

5. Cook For Her

Both my wife and I have extremely hectic work weeks, and we share the cooking duties from day-to-day. Majority of the time, we don’t make time for breakfast throughout the week because of our schedules. Each weekend (both Saturday & Sunday), I take the time to cook a nice, big breakfast for her. Firstly, I enjoy cooking and I make a pretty good variety of breakfast meals. Most importantly, I want her to enjoy the opportunity she gets to sleep in and relax. Fellas, traditionally women have been holding it down in the kitchen, and it takes time and effort to do so. No matter if it’s breakfast, lunch or dinner; be sure to step up and make an amazing meal from time to time. If it’s a surprise candle light dinner, even better!

My brothers, I know ‘chivalry ain’t dead’; but we must do a better job of putting these acts on display. Believe it or not, our queens are waiting for and expecting small chivalric gestures to show our love and appreciation. Don’t let this generation of being ‘too cool’ and showing ‘too much emotion’ consume you. Let’s take initiative, and prove to our queens how much they truly mean to us.

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