What to look for?
It may seem cliché to not go with the flow but a relationship is hard work. If your potential partner tells you that he/she just wants to go with the flow or take part in an ‘easy‘ relationship, either he/she doesn’t understand that relationships are hard work or maybe that person just isn’t serious about entering a relationship with you.
Does your partner support you and your own personal goals? Is your partner your confidant and cheerleader? One thing I would love to see in the Black community is us championing each other. Black Love is so great especially when we share constructive and cooperative life visions. Whether it is your parents, siblings or friends; if they don’t rally around you, they really aren’t in support of you.
Discussing roles in the family is important. What are you going to bring to the table? What do you do to contribute to this relationship and family? It can be a struggle allowing your partner to feel like he/she does everything from daily chores, cooking, primary financial support and encouragement. This behavior could suggest selfishness and an unwillingness to sacrifice or compromise. Now, think of what it would be like if you attempt to spend your life or have children with this person.
Ways to approach changing your relationship
It may be time to ask for some clarity.
Just because you put up signs and headlights pointing one way doesn’t always mean that someone will follow in that direction. Discuss with your partner how his/her love and support would make you feel. Explain to your partner how his/her goals, passion and to do list would give you more confidence and security with him/her and the relationship. You would be surprised what you could learn when you bring up these topics with your partner.
This is why it is so important to share and develop goals with your partner. So yes, Steve Harvey
does understand a few things here. You shoul do this when you are dating. You should ask, “What are you looking for?? A Relationship? Friends with Benefits?” It lets you know where you stand. Continuing this discussion lets you know what the rules and boundaries are for your relationship and for the future.
Having a serious conversation with yourself is also helpful. It is a practice called mindfulness. It is when we become aware of our own actions, thoughts, and beliefs in a situation so that we can evaluate what we did to contribute to a moment/situation. For example, If your partner does fail at his responsibilities, what are you doing to ask for change? Do you accept it and move on? If so, so will the behaviors.
For those of you who do not have a good experience with this, well, you can’t control your partner. You don’t want to feel like you are pulling the weight of the world around. That’s exhausting. It is like excess baggage. It’s time for you to find someone who is willing to run this race with you, not someone who is sabotaging your efforts. Make like Frozen, Let it Go.]]>